Rembering

It's been almost a month since Tom died. I move through my days and wait for the sadness and pain to begin. Each day ends and nothing has been felt. I'm told this is normal. But what is normal now?

Each day I talk to his picture at my bedside while I make the bed. Each night I tell him about my day and ask his opinion on issues I'm dealing with as I turn down the covers.

He doesn't answer out loud, but usually the next morning, as I begin my day, a solution will come to me as clearly as if someone is whispering into my ear.

I see him in the fabulous sunsets that are a panoramic view from my balcony. I smell him on some of his clothes which I've chosen to keep. I miss him at breakfast. But still there is no grief yet. I did my share of crying when all this first happened. Down in Naples, where he loved to be. After a few days though, I think I went numb. I make list and tick of the accomplished tasks. I meet with friends who care so much. I exercise. I am going on with my life but I can't understand why I am not yet grieving. I guess it will come soon enough and then my question will be, "when will this be over?"

I receive cards daily. Emails with stories about him. Every one of them warm my heart. The best part is knowing there were so many people who knew and liked/loved him too.

I really do feel like he is just around the corner. Maybe the grief will come when I don't feel that anymore.

Until next time........Always, Kathleen