Monday, September 5, 2011

I'M OKAY

Peonies

Shoreline

Wild Flowers along the Marsh

The Marsh

This is the first time I've done this.  I've come to the cottage alone.  I've been here for 10 days and I'm okay!
Wasn't sure what this would be like.  The cottage is a place that was special to Tom and I.  We built a great deal of our relationship in this house.  He loved it more than me.  He could have made this home.  For me it was just a little too isolated.  Not sure I could have lived here all summer long.  But I will say this, it is surely a place to restore oneself. 

The cottage is on Lake Erie's south shore.  When I come here I'm actually going south.  It is under 40 miles from home.  If I come at the right time of the day, I can be here in an hour.  The border crossing is always the unknown.  Some days it is a smooth sail all the way, others it can take more than an hour and a half.  But now being retired I can choose to come at the times that are not usually busy. 

I have always loved being here in late August or September.  I love the way the sun sits in the sky.  It shines on the water until it looks like there are thousands of diamonds scattered on the surface. The air is warm with the sun but not so it's too hot to sit directly in it's light.  The clouds are huge and puffy and the colors vary as the sun moves across the horizon.  And on weekend nights my neighbor Mary Beth who lives two cottages over, plays the bagpipes at sunset.  She always ends with Amazing Grace.  The Chief of a Scottish Clan used to call for piper to play after supper.  Today many civilian pipers play due to nostalgia for that custom. 

I had great plans for what I would do while I was here.  Once here, I discarded the plan and let each day lead were it may. I have done some things in the house that I didn't plan on.  I did not use my usual list.  There was no crossing things off as I went.  I can say that I tilled my soil, and my soul.  I have slept like a baby (once the monster spider was killed). I've risen when I felt like it.  I've written in my journal about  feelings and facts.  I've prayed and meditated every morning. I think I have eaten less.  I have eaten healthier.  I've had little phone contact.  A good deal of Facebook contact.  Dinner out with an old friend.  Dinner with neighbors twice.  The rest of the time I've been with me.  I am learning as time goes by that I don't mind being alone.  There are times when I go to tell Tom something and he's not here, at least not physically.  Believe me though his spirit is in this place in every room.  

I am so grateful that he has left me this place to be.  I'm grateful that the sunsets continue to come.

Until next time.......Always, Kathleen

1 comment:

Amy said...

Kathy,

I'm so glad you are on the road to healing and you enjoyed your trip.

What a great way to unwind, relax, and think :)